NYSC DIARY: [Port Harcourt Girl] How to Conquer a ‘Yoruba Demon’

If you’re in the Nigerian corner on Twitter you probably know who a Yoruba demon is. For those of you that do not know: A Yoruba demon is an attractive man(might not even be a Yoruba man) who sweeps you off your feet and watches you land face flat.

Last week Thursday I met a Yoruba demon; this one was actually Yoruba. He gave me a ride from VGC to the office. During the ride, we talked and argued about so many things like ‘is pepper a taste or an affliction? ‘, ‘the Japanese honour code’ ,’ benefits of elitism’, ‘where would you like to spend your honeymoon’ …. He was sweet, charming and intelligent. I had a smile on my face all day due to that morning conversation.

A part of me knew I had just met a Yoruba demon, the other part preferred to live in denial. We exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch when he dropped me off.

Friday passed almost unconventionally except that i almost fainted in the bus. Was dizzy, hungry and the air in the bus was stiffing. My seat was really uncomfortable and it made my condition once. The young man beside me seemed to notice my uneasiness and offered to swap seats and also help me hold my handbag and laptop case. I studied him briefly before handing my belongings to him. His shirt was okay and i could perceive his cologne; not the type people buy from mallams.

Free from my luggage, I held my blackberry in my hand and rested my head on the seat in front. Occasionally I felt myself slipping away but I battled it. Two things however kept me awake. I remembered a friend’s story of how she fainted on the streets of Port Harcourt one hot afternoon. When she opened her eyes, she was on the bare floor. An elderly woman was sprinkling her water and repeatedly asking ‘Baby, baby you do ‘aboshion?‘ .

I had buzzed my BFF when I started feeling weak. She’s a Dr. After interrogating me the last thing she said was ‘Better don’t faint on the road before one small boy with dirty mouth performs CPR on you’.

Immediately I got down from the bus at VGC roundabout, I hailed a cab that took me straight home. At the end of the day, I could not eat more than 5 balls of garri and the dizziness disappeared.

On Saturday morning, I woke up by 4am to the red blinking light from my Blackberry. I had gone to bed too early the previous night and had loads of social messages to reply. After replying bae’s message I moved straight to the Yoruba demon’s message. Immediately I replied, he hit me up with fresh messages.

He was awake. According to him, he had gone clubbing on Friday and was still on the Island. He asked which road I lived in VGC, I innocently replied. The day he gave me a lift, he had met me on the road.

By 5am, my other phone started ringing. Nobody except bae and my family is allowed to call by that time. I hurriedly checked the phone. Behold!, it was the Yoruba demon. He wanted my house number, I said ‘No’. I don’t entertain male visitors, definitely not by this time.

Yoruba demon : I don’t want to come in.
Me: Why do you need the house number?
Yoruba demon: I’ll pack in front and call. You just need to look outside from a window so I can see how lovely you look this morning.
Me to myself: OMG! He’s really sweet. Aww (I live for moments like this :) )
Me to Yoruba Demon: Odikwa lovely. Please go home.
Yoruba demon: I’m going to drive round your road for a few minutes in case you change your mind.
Me: I’m not changing my mind.

That’s how they start. They do cute things to make you fall for them . ”I’ve read all about you on Twitter. I refuse to fall”.

I peeped out of the window after a while, saw a lone Toyota driving down and went back to bed. Not sure he saw me cause he didn’t mention it. There is no space in my life for any Yoruba demon.

As expected he didn’t give up. He kept calling all weekend with offers like: Let’s do movies, let’s do ice cream, how about pizza. Well, I jump all of them pass :p . Bought my self a giant size pizza to celebrate the victory.

 

Source: Nigerian Bulletin

To share your NYSC experience email nyscdiaries[at]corperwee.com.ng

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